Whoopie! We're All Gonna Die.

It's 2012, and if the giant Rolex made by the Mayans is still working then we've got less than a year left before we bid this planet a fond adieu. Since the Dime Times Corporation lost it's millions with the loss of Whitney Houston from our Fantasy Celebrity Comeback League roster, we're not going to be able to finance that room on the ark.

Well, if we're going to succumb to the will of the aliens like the rest of you poor slobs we may as well write about it!

Our top scientists can't seem to figure out where to put the batteries in the Mayan calendar but once they do we'll research the likelihood that Justin Bieber and Ellen DeGeneres create the second coming of Jeebus.